Kelly's Bar Jokes More Jokes Here

Kelly's Bar Jokes
12
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Smile This Joke was Submitted By Beebe Flincher
Q: Do you know why men have a hole in there peanus.
A: So they can get air to there head!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Courtney Carpenter
WARNING: IT'S KIND OF A LONG JOKE, BUT VERY FUNNY, SO JUST BARE WITH ME.
There was this fish in a lake and it saw a fly flying above the water, and the fish said "if the fly drops 6 inches I'll jump up and get it. Well up on the shore was a bear and the bear said "if that fly drops 6 inches, the fish will get the fly and I'll jump out and get the fish, behind the bear was a hunter and the hunter said if that fly drops 6 inches the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, and I'll shoot the bear, behind the hunter was a mouse and the mouse said that if that fly drops 6 inches the fish will get the fly, the bear will get the fish, the hunter will shoot the bear, and I'll run and get the cheese from the hunters sandwich, behind the mouse was a cat and the cat said if the fly drops 6 inches the fish will get the fly, the hunter will shoot the bear, the as the mouse is getting the cheese I'll jump out and get it. Well the fly dropped 6 inches and the fish got the fly, the bear got the fish, the hunter shot the bear, and as the cat was going to get the mouse he fell in the water. So the moral of the story is:
that everytime the fly drops 6 inches, the pussy gets wet!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By ralph
Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Newt Gingrich are visiting the wizard of oz. The wizard looks at Newt and says, "What can I get you?" "I need a heart." The wizard gives him a heart. "and you Mr. Vice President, what can I get you?" "I need a brain." "Here's your brain." And you Mr. President, what can I get you?" "Uh, where's Dorothy?"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Martin Reynolds
There were 3 women on an island, walking around. They stumbled across a lamp, rubbed it a genie came out and said "I'll grant you each 1 wish" "o.k" said the first one "Make me 100 times smarter" 'poof' She builds a boat and sails off the island. "o.k." said the second one "make me 1,000 times smarter" 'poof' She builds a plane and flys off the island. "Now my turn" said the third "make me 1,000,000 times smarter" 'poof'" "There you go, you're a man!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Joe Shuda
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers?
To keep his ankles warm.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Chucky
Q: WHY DON'T HUTTERITES HAVE DRIVERS ED. AND SEX ED. AN THE SAME DAY?
A: IT'S TOO HARD ON THE MULES!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By BRANDON WALSH
ON A FRIDAY A TEACHER WAS TEACHING HER CLASS ABOUT MORALS TO STORIES, AND ASSIGNED EACH OF THEM A STORY WITH A MORAL TO IT. SO THEY WOULD HAVE TWO DAYS TO WORK ON IT. ON MONDAY EVERYONE CAME TO CLASS AND WERE READY TO SHARE THEIR MORALS. SO THE TEACHER SAID WHO WANTS TO SHARE THEIR STORIES WITH THEIR MORALS. TOMMY WAS IN THE BACK WAVING HIS HAND AND WISPERING CALL ON ME CALL ON ME! THE TEACHER KNEW TOMMY TOO WELL THOUGH, SO SHE CALLED ON SAM. SAM SAID MY STORIES ABOUT ME AND MY BROTHER, WE ALWAYS FIGHT AND I ALWAYS WIN. THE TEACHER SAID WHAT IS THE MORAL TO YOUR STORY? SAM SAID DON'T FIGHT UNLESS YOUR GONNA WIN. OK, NEXT... TOMMY WAS IN THE BACK WAVING HIS HAND BUT THE TEACHER KNEW THAT TOMMY WAS A TROUBLE MAKER AND SHE DIDN'T WANT TO DEAL WITH HIM. SO SHE CALLED ON ROCHELLE. ROCHELLE SAID... MY STORY IS ABOUT WHEN I AM AT HOME LISTINING TO MY RADIO AND IT DOSN'T WORK I THREATEN TO SELL IT, WHAT'S THE MORAL TO YOUR STORIE? ROCHELLE SAID DON'T LIE. OK, NEXT? TOMMY WAS WAVING HIS HAND AND THE TEACHER SAID ALRIGHT TOMMY GO AHEAD. TOMMY SAID, WELL, MY UNCLE ZEKE, HE WAS A FIGHTER PILOT IN VEATNAM, AND HE FLEWED AN AIRPLANE. AND ONE TIME HE GOT SHOT DOWN AND BEFORE THE SEAT EJECTED HE GRABBED A CASE OF BEER AND HIS MACHETTE AND HIS MACHINE GUN AND ON THE WAY DOWN HE DRANK THE WHOLE CASE OF BEER AND WHEN HE LANDED HE LANDED RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF 100 OF THE ENIMYS AND RIGHT AWAY HE KILLED 70 OF THEM WITH HIS MACHINE GUN UNTIL HE RAN OUT OF BULLETTS AND KILLED ANOTHER 20 OF WITH HIS MACHEDE UNTIL IT WAS TO DULL TO KILL ANYMORE AND THEN HE KILLED THE LAST 10 WITH HIS BARE HANDS! THEN THE TEACHER SAID OK TOMMY WHAT'S THE MORAL TO YOUR STORY.
DON'T FUCK WITH MY UNCLE ZEKE WHEN HE'S DRINK'N

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Rebie
A man and his wife have a baby and the baby is born with no torso or arms or legs. The parents love him though and on his 21 birthday his dad took him out to a bar to drink. When he took the first shot all the sudden a Torso popped out. The father was so happy and everyone in the bar was stunned. The father begged his son to have another drink so he did and then out popped some arms. Everyone in the bar was stunned except for the bartender. The father asked him to have another drink and by now the boy was a little woozy but he took another drink and out came legs the father was so happy. Everyone was cheering then the son got up went outside got hit by a car and died. The bartender did not show any emotion and the father said to him whats wrong have you no heart my son just died and the bartender said he should have stopped while he was a head.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By sloppy
Little Johnny is flying his airplane in the front lawn while his mother is busy doing dishes in the kitchen. Little Johnny lands the plane and promptly spouts out, "All you mother-fuckers that want to stay on stay on, all you mother-fuckers that want to get off get off!" Hearing this little Johnny's mother becomes irrate, grabs Johnny by the ear and tells him to go to his room until he can play the right way. A few hours go by and little Johnny returns down stairs. he tells his mother that he has learned to play right and asks for his plane his mother still in doubt returns her sons plane and listens out the window. Little Johnny lands the plane and says"all you nice ladies and gentlmen that want to stay stay on, all you nice ladies and gentlemen that want off get off, AND ALL YOU MOTHER-FUCKERS THAT HAVE A COMPLAINT, TALK TO THE BITCH IN THE KITCHEN!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jubba Ronny
What's the nearest thing to silver? The Lone Rangers ass.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By M!ke M.
There is this guy who owns a duck farm. He wants to retire, but he has to give his farm to one of his three sons. One son is book smart; one is street smart, and the other is dumb as hell. So he gives each son a duck, and says whoever brings me back the most money, will get the farm. So both the street smart and the book smart sons go out and get $15 dollars for their ducks. Now the stupid son is walking along the road when he encounters a hooker. She says "I'll give you a f*ck for the duck" ! And the stupid son said, "Ok I guess". So they go off and do their respected business. So he's walking along the same road and he runs into her again. And she says "I'll give you a duck for a f*ck" ! And he said, "Ok I guess". So they go off and do their respected business. Now he's got the duck back, but has no money. Then all of a sudden, and big Mack truck comes by and runs over the duck. The truck driver comes out and says " Oh, I'm so sorry, I gotta run, here's $20 bucks for your problems". So he takes the money, and walks home. When he get's home the family asked how the hell did you get $20 bucks for the duck. And he said "I got a f*ck for a duck, a duck for a f*ck, and $20 bucks for a f*cked up duck"!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Mike Mattia
How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?
A: Wave to him

Smile This Joke was Submitted By REBEL32
This ventriloguist was traveling from the East coast to the West coast to do some shows. Somwhere in the deserts of Arizona, his car breaks down. after walking a few miles in the searing sun, he comes across an Indian and his dog, sitting outside of a shack. The parched ventriloquist asks the Indian if he might use his phone, the Indian replies- "me no have phone, sorry" at this point the man decides to have a little fun. He asks the Indian if it would be alright to ask his dog about the location of the nearest phone, at this the Indian replies "hmm.. dog no talk" the ventriloguist then questions the dog for directions, throwing his voice, the dog answers "I can't make it across the desert, the Indian doesn't feed me enough for a jouney that far. you might want to ask the donkey, he might know." The puzzled Indian states "hmmm.. dog not talk before!!" Walking toward the donkey the ventriloquist inquires about the nearest phone. Throwing his voice once again, the donkey replies "The Indian never gives me enough water, I couldn't cross this desert if i wanted to." The astonished Indian then says " hmm.. donkey not talk before, dog not talk before, hmm.." the man then asks if he can question the sheep. Quickly the Indian replies, "SHEEP LIE!! SHEEP LIE!!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Carmen Melnychuk
What was Spock doing looking in the toilet?
He was looking for the Captain's Log.

What was Piglet doing looking in the toilet?
Looking for Pooh.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dannielle Wayne
A duck walks into a bar and says,"Hey bartender." "What?" the bartender replies. "Got any duck food?" says the duck. "No, this is a bar and we don't serve animals." replied the bartender. "Okay." says the duck and he leaves. The next day the duck goes back to the bar and says,"Hey bartender." "What?" the bartender says inquisitively. "Got any duck food?" says the duck. "Look, I told you yesterday. This is a bar and we serve humans not animals!" the bartender said now very annoyed,"If you come in here and ask for duck food one more time, I'm gonna nail you to the wall and let people throw darts at you!!!" "Okay." said the duck and he left gracefully. The next day the duck goes into the bar and says,"Hey bartender." Bartender says,"What do YOU want?" Duck replies,"Got any nails?" "No." he said. "Got any duck food?"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dannielle Wayne
There was a little girl and she went to go tell Santa Claus what she wanted for Christmas. She said,"I want a Barbie and a G-I-Joe." So Santa says,"Why do you want G-I-Joe? Doesn't barbie come with Ken?" The little girl says,"Barbie cums with Ken but she dates G-I-Joe."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dannielle Wayne
This kid is with his mom in the store and he keeps pointing at fat women. He says,"mom look at her shes sooo fat ahahahaha!!!!!". His mom is very embarrassed. She tries to persuade him to stop. He says he will but he doesnt. When they were in line to buy their groceries there was an obese woman in front of them. The boy was snickering and making jokes in his mind. The woman's watch alarm went off and the boy said,"Watch out mom! She's backin up!!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dannielle Wayne
Q:why do elephants paint their balls red?
A: So they can hide in the strawberry patch.

Q: Have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?
A: It must work then.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dannielle Wayne
Q: What's long green and smells like pork?
A: Kermit's finger.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dannielle Wayne
There once were two married guys. One guys name was Joe and the other guys name was Billy. One day Joe and Billy were going to the bathroom and Billy looked down at Joe. Billy said, "How the hell did you get that thing so big?!?". Joe said, "Well, every time before I have sex I bang it against the wall." Billy thought he was lying and it was a really dumb idea. Billy was also desperate so that night when he went home that night his wife was lying in bed asleep. Billy decided to try what Joe did. After a few seconds his wife rolled over and said, "Joe? Is that you?".

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dannielle Wayne
There were two men playing golf. They were about to go to the 18th hole and one guy goes over the hill. He comes back and says, "Oh shit, right over that hill is my wife and my mistress!". So the other guy goes over the hill to see if he's lying. He walks over and he comes back and says,"Shit we're in trouble.". The other guy says,"Why?". The other guy says, "That's also MY wife and MY mistress!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Pete
So Little Red Riding Hood decides she wants to go visit Grandma. She puts on her little shirt and her tight little miniskirt, grabs her basket and goes hopping through the forest. Along the way she runs into a squirrel. "Oh Little Red Riding Hood," says the squirrel, "You can't go running through the forest looking like that!!! If the Big Bad Wolf sees you, he's gonna jump out and fuck you!!!!" . Little Red Riding Hood replies, "No little squirrel, you see, that's why I bought this gun. The Big Bad Wolf isn't going to get anywhere near me." And Little Red Riding Hood goes hopping off through the forest again.
A couple minuted later, she meets a lumberjack. "Little Red Riding Hood!!!" He exclaims, " You can't run through the forest like that!! If you run into the Big Bad Wolf, he's going to fuck you!!!". "No Mr Lumberjack", she replies, "You see, that's why I bought this gun! He couldn't even get near me!" And little Red Riding Hood carries on through the forest.
Then all of a sudden, out jumps the Big Bad Wolf!! "Oh Little Red Riding Hood!!!", he says "You look so good!! Now lay down and don't make a sound while I fuck you!!" Little Red Riding Hood reaches into her basket and pulls out the gun and says, " Fuck You wolf!! You're gonna eat me like the story says!!!!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Matt Heislup
Q:Why do bald men have holes in their pockets? A:So they have some hair to play with.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Matt Heislup
Q: Why do bald men have holes in their pockets?
A: So they have some hair to play with.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Matt Heislup
Three guys Had $15. One said "lets spend it on a prostitute!" They agreed. So they went to a prostitute and asked "what can we get for $5 a piece?" She said, "A blow job." So one guy goes in and puts a donut on his dick and she eats it off. The next guy does the same. Then the third guy comes out crying. They ask'why are you crying?" he replies,"she told me to go get a life saver!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dino
Pierre, the famous French fighter pilot, picked up a nubile young girl in a Parisian night club. He invited her back to his appartment just off the Champs Elysee. Pierre was so smooth that upon arrival he offered the young lady a glass of champagne which was already on ice. Lifting the bottle the lights dimmed and soft music started to play! Whilst offering to make a 'lovers cup' Pierre purposely spills some of his drink over the young lady's chest. "Pardonez moi." he says and proceeds to lick the champagne from her skin. In doing so he is forced to loosen her clothes! "Pierre!" she exclaims, "You are driving me wild!" "Mademoiselle, I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot and I aim to please." Now that he has the young lady slightly disrobed he dims the lights further and proceeds to remove her dress so as to prevent the champagne from doing more damage. However he pours a tot of 12 year old malt whisky into her navel and proceeds to lick it out. "Pierre, Pierre you are driving me crazy!" she cries. "I am Pierre the famous French fighter pilot and I always aim to please!" Now that he has aroused the young lady he eases her out of the rest of her clothes so that she lays naked on the couch. He pours a large glass of cognac and lights a Gauloise. Whilst carresssing her body he pours the brandy over her 'bush' and at the same time sets it alight with his cigarrette. "Pierre, Pierre I am on fire!" "My darling fear not, I am Piere the famous French fighter pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames!!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Don Mc Lean
The fleet was in town and the ladies of the night were doing a roaring trade. In the small hours of the morning two of them met at the front door of an apartment block. "how are you doing," said one to the other. "very busy," was the reply, "you know what sailors are, but the elevator is out and if I've climbed those stairs once I've climbed them a hundred times." "O you poor thing," said the friend, "your feet must be killing you."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Anonymous
A 23-year-old daughter still lives with her over protected father. To prevent her from haveing sex he sprinkled glitter on her pubic hair evryday before going to work. When he came home he found a man in the house, and he asked him "Did you have sex with my daughter?" He answered "no." "Well, pull down your pants and let me check." Doing so the father found glitter on his pubic hair, so knew he had had sex with his daughter. As a result he beat the boy bloody untill he ran off. The next day the father came home to see that another man was in the house. He asked, "Did you have sex with my daughter?" He also answered, "No." "Well pull down your pants and let me check," replied the father. Finding glitter on the pubic hair the father beat him bloody untill he ran away. The next day the same thing happened, and also the day after that, and many days that follow after that. One day the father came home to find yet another man in the house. He then asked, "Did you have sex with my daughter?" The man then said,"No." "Well, pull down your pants and let me see." So he did that, and the father seeing no glitter was saticfied. After the man had pulled his pants back up the father replied "Good boy!" and patted him on the back. Then all the glitter came out of his mouth.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Burrito
There were 3 men in an air balloon. A white man, a black man, and a mexican. They were on a trip around the world. The black man said,"hey we're in Africa" the others said, "why do you say that?" Black man says,"Because I can see the giraffes head threw the bushes". Next the white man said, "Now we're over France, because I can see the Eifell Tower". I while later the mexican says," Hey you guys were over Mexico!" The others say,"Now how can you tell that?" The Mexican replied,"Because my watch just got stolen..."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Vero G.
Ther are these two girls on the ruff.The first girl says "lets get naked and see if anyone will notice us." The second girl says, "what makes you think that anyone will notice us if we are ten stories up?" The first girl respondes "because we are right in front of a T.V. station."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Hoison
2 teenagers were playing on the sidewalk with a bottle of cement acid cleaner (sulfuric acid)and along comes a priest who notices how dangerous the acid was because of the acrid smoke & stench. Priest: "You kids are handling a very dangerous chemical. Why don't you give me your bottle & I will give you another one in exchange that is safer to play with" Kids: "Yeah, ok, but what can your fun bottle do?" Priest: "This bottle is a magical elixer. Why, it can even help you out one day. For example, if you rub a little a bit on your girl friend's tummy, she can pass a baby!" Kids: Yeah - ok, but listen up. This here bottle we have, is magical too. If you put a drop of this on a cat's ass, he'll pass a motorcycle!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By geoffary Wisebum
What is the best pick up line in a gay bar?
A: Can i push your stool in?

Smile This Joke was Submitted By jeff
I didn't rise to the top of the food chain to become a vegetarian.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By luke
Why is madonna a cunt ?
A: You are what you eat!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Tiffany Wood
Q: What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
A: "Dam!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By waz up
What would you call lesbian dinosaurs?
lick-a-lot-a-puss

Smile This Joke was Submitted By yoyoyo
What would you call male dinosaurs if they were gay?
mega-sore-asses

Smile This Joke was Submitted By michael bourque
what's the difference between pink and purple?
your grip.

One day a russian found a bottle with a genie in it and the genie said that he could grant him one wish. The russian thought for a moment and then replied "I would like to piss out vodka". So the genie granted him his wish so he took a glass and pissed in it and tasted it and thought that it was the best tasting vodka he ever had. So he rushes home to tell his wife and to prove to her he got two glasses and pissed in them for her to try. She thought that it was the best vodka she ever tried so they partied all night. This went on for several nights until one night he only brought out one glass instead of two. So his wife asked him" why only one glass tonight?" and he replied " tonight you are drinking from the bottle".

Smile This Joke was Submitted By puff daddy
0 to horney in 3.5 beers.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jubba Ronny
What do you call two virgins fighting?
Clash of the tightens.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jubba Ronny
Patel is greeted at the pearly gates by St. Peter "And what good have you done in your life?" asks St.Peter, "I once gave a £1000 to Children in need" says Patel. "Is that it?" replies St. Peter "No, I also gave £1000 to cancer research" "Is that it?" says St. Peter again. "No, another time I gave £1000 to animal rescue. Well can I come in?" "Hang on" says St. Peter "I'll have to ask the boss". Ten minutes later St. Peter returns. " Well, what did he say?" asks the agitated Patel, " Here's 3 Grand, now FUCK OFF"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Moses
A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over >>> immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. When he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "Actually, no" he replies. "Can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "I'm afraid I can't" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "Is there anything I can do?" "Yes there is. I need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladie's room."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Vinnie
What is the difference between a homosexual rodeo and a hetrosexual rodeo?
The crowd at the hetro sexual rodeo yells "Ride that sucker!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Vinnie
Why do men like blow jobs so much?
Because it's the only chance they get to get something straight in a womens head!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Kenny
This turd and a wig go into a bar and the wig asks for two pints. The bartender refuses, so the wig tries again, " two pints please mate" to which the bartender replies no again. So the wig approaches the bar and ask the tender to explain his refusal to which he says, "because your off your head and your mate is steaming!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dayna Russell
Ya Mama is so fat when she jumped up in the air she got stuck.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By MEGHAN
CABBIE: look out the window and see if my blinker is on.
PASSENGER: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No...

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Mimi
Five Gays are swimming in a big tube of water. Suddenly, a big ball of cum comes to the surface. One of the gays says: OK guys, who farted?

Smile This Joke was Submitted By paul lee
A guy and a lady were going to Las Vegas to get married. On the way the future bride said to her future husband, "I have something to confess before we get married and if you didn't want to marry me afterwards I would understand." So the women said, "I am flat as a board" the man thought for a minute and said thats ok there is more to love and marriage then just sex and looks. Some time later the man said he also had a confession to make and if she didn't want to marry him he would understand. The man then said, "below the waist I am like a baby" The women said, "That's ok there is more to love and marriage than just sex and looks." After the ceremony they retreated to the honeymoon suite the new bride got undressed and she was right, flat as a wash board. When the man got undressed the new bride took one look and passed out. When she came to, the husband said, "I tried telling you." She said, "I know, but you said you were like a baby." He said, "I am, 8 pounds 21 inches!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Stewart Cole
Two flies on a turd, one farts and the other says "Do you mind you dirty bastard, I'm having my dinner"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Dave Miller
As one door closes another one SLAMS in your face.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By michael a
A farmer walks into a phamacy and goes over to the condoms. After a few minutes the pharmacist notices the farmer and decides to go help him, he asks the farmer ..can I help you? The farmer says ..yes I need a condom with insectiside on it.. the pharmacist, almost laughing, says you mean spermacide.. the farmer says no i mean insecticide!!. the pharmacist asks the farmer..why insecticide??.. the farmer say ..... my old lady has a bug up her ass... and im gonna get it out!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By SPIKE
Yo Mama's So Fat... I Yelled Down Her Bellybutton And Heard An Echo!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Cat
It's a well know fact that men have more Braincells then Women But what the hell do they do with them??? I'm guessing they:

  1. Waste them smoking pot and drinking
  2. They just die off when they turn 16??
Smile This Joke was Submitted By John Doe
Three construction workers stood on the top of the building they were building and were eating lunch. One guy says "I bet my dick can go down more stories than yours." The other guys take him on. So the first guy drops his and it goes down five stories. The second guy deops his and it goes down twelve stories. the last guy drops his and starts swaying from side to side. Everyone asks him what the heck he doing, he says "Dodging traffic."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Doc
In a recent survey conducted by the toll collector at Queen's Bridge, 100 women were asked if they would like to have sex with Bill Clinton. 97 replied, "Not again!".

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jason Caerels
A boy is sitting in class and begins to cry and the teacher askes him what's the matter. The boy said he's forgotten how to go to the bathroom. The teacher says O.K. we'll go through it in steps. You're already standing at the urinal so step 1. undo you zipper, 2. take you dick out, 3. pull back the foreskin, 4. pee, 5. push back the foreskin, 6.put it back in your pants, and 7. do up your zipper. The boy says O.K. I got it and askes to go the bathroom. After the boy is gone for about 10 minutes the teacher goes to look for hime because he may have forgotten a step. He looks in the bathroom and sees no one, then he hears a small voice from the far stall saying "3, 5, 3, 5, 3, 5, 3, 5...."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By tracy
On a cruse ship the captain's bird would sit at the back of the ship and watch the musican. Since the passangers would get off everyday and new passangers would come on ever day he could use the same act every day. After a while he would make flowers disapear and the bird would squak "behind your back!" All of a sudden the ship sprung a leak. The musican swam over to a plank floating in the water. The bird was on the other side of it. Four days went by and neither of them spoke. On the fourth day the bird finally squaked "O-K, you got me, what did you do with the ship?"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By tracy
your mamma is like a vacum cleaner, she sucks, blows, and gets laid in the closet.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Diane and Sunshine
Whats the difference between cops and pigs?
Cops eat doughnuts and pigs don't.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Diane and Sunshine
Whats a girl to do when a guy has a small dick?
Grab her dildo and name him Fred.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Skid Row
It's not the speed of life that I am afraid of, it's the sudden stop at the end.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Billy Madsen
One day President Clinton was working in the oral, oops, oval office when an aide came in and asked what he wanted to do about the abortion bill. He quickly replied, "Pay it before Hillary finds out!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By No Neck Joe
A little girl goes to school one day wearing a dress. During recess, a little boy says he will give her ten dollars to climb up the flagpole. She does this and he gives her ten dollars. The next day the same thing happens only the little boy gives her fifty dollars. This goes on for the whole week. At the end of the week, the girls mother finds a large cache of money under her daughter's bed. When she questions the girl about it, she says, "Well mommy, this boy at school gives lots of money everytime I climb up the flagpole." The mother says,"Well dear, I think that he just wants to see your underwear," To which the little girl replies,"But mommy, how can he see my underwear when I don't have any on?"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Bird
Your Mamma Teeth are so yellow she could spit butter.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jason McIntosh
A man was sitting at his house one day and his wife came over to his chair and smacked the shit out of him. He said "Whats that for?" She said "I found the name Mary Lou in you pants pocket." He said, "Do you remember when I when to the horse racing track." She said. "Yes" That the name of the horse I bet on. Two or three days went by everything was okay. Then one day he was watching T.V. She came over and hit him again. He said "What is that for?" She said "Your horse is on the phone."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Tony
At the beginning of class the teacher told the children that they would have to draw a picture on the black board that would indicate the meaning of starvation. Little Mary went to the black board and drew three little dots. The teacher asked Mary what the three dots were. Mary said that they were breadcrumbs, and if that wasn't starvation she didn't know what was. The teacher said, well Mary that's very good, but if you have enough bread crumbs you could survive on them. Little Betty went to the black board and drew a picture of a couple of bones, and said this is what I call starvation. The teacher said this was also very good, but bones have marrow in them and a person could survive on the marrow. Now up comes little Johnny and after thinking for a few minutes he draws a circle on the board and then goes on to scribble all over the circle. He then turns to the class and said, now this is starvation. The teacher asked what it was he drew on the board that would indicate starvation? Little Johnny said okay teacher I'll explain. He turned around to the black board pointed at the circle and said, "this is an asshole and it's covered with cobwebs and if you don't call that starvation, I'll kiss your ass till your hat flies off"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Ryan Bagley
What kind of bees make milk?
A: Boobies Yeah, lame, but funny.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Michelle Grewe
How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one. They'll screw anything.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By cj & woo
What's worse than a dead dog on your piano?
An infected pussy on your organ.

What are the 23 most useless things on a man's body?
20 nails that can't be hammered, 2 balls that don't bounce, and a cock that doesn't crow.
(To a girl - "don't laugh, you've got a pussy that can't catch mice!")

Smile This Joke was Submitted By BGLion
My wife's nickname is "bunnybuns". One day to give me a nice surprise she thought she would go to a tatoo parlor and have "bunnybuns" tattooed to her butt. When she got there to her dismay the tatoo was going to cost her $250.00! She asked what can I get for 100.00? Well, the artist said, I can put a fancy 'B' on each cheek. So she agreed. When the time came for the surprise, she bent over and said...what do you think honey? I said, thats very nice......but who the hell is "BOB"???

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jason
A man walks into a bar and notices a sign that says "FREE BEER FOR LIFE" on the wall. The bartender tells him he has to drink a bottle of tequila, his alligator has a toothache and you have to pull the tooth out of his mouth and then make love to his 330lb wife. The man replies "give me that bottle". After drinking the bottle, the man stumbles back and says "where is that damn alligator?" The bartender points him to a door in the back of the building and the man starts for the door. For about 45 minutes the people in the bar and the bartender hear all kinds of noise from that room. Banging and yelling. After about an hour, the man comes out and says "alright where is that chick with the toothache?"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Ali Huff
What do you call 2 lesbians in a van filled with Dildos? Dick-Van-Dikes

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Ali Huff
Cinderella was getting ready for the ball and she was all ready and was walking out the door and Fairy God mother was getting ready to say good bye and Cinderella said wait fairy God mother I have my period. Fairy God Mother replied I know I know that's why I have this for you. She handed Cinderella a magical tampon. Cinderella thanks the Fairy God Mother and went off to the ball. The Fairy God Mother yelled out the door be home at midnight or it will turn into a pumkin. She yelled back Thank You. 12:00 Rolled around no Cinderella.1:00 flew by still no Cinderella. The Fairy God Mother was getting worried 2:00 came around and here came Cinderella prancng threw the door . Fairy God Mother we were dancing, and drinking and I met this wonderfull guy named Peter Peter.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Trebor
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool of water? Bob! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the front porch? Matt! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Rustle! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on the wall? Art! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs thrown off the roof? Mark! What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that's been stuffed in a mailbox? Bill! What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter...he wont come anyway!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By What's Yours?
This koala walks into a bar and sits down next to a hooker. She says, "Wanna go up stairs?" He says, "Ok," and they go. After they are done doin the nasty, the koala starts to put on his clothes and gets ready to leave. The hookers says,"Well aren't ya gonna pay me?," and the kooala says,"No, Why?." The hooker answers, "Because I'm a prostitute." He says," So, what's your point?", and she reaches over on to the table next to the bed and gets a dictionary. She looks up the word "prostitute" and the definition reads: Woman who sells her body for sex. The koala reads it and says, "oh, really?", and looks up the word "koala" The definition reads: small furry animal that eats bush and leaves!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By angel
I walked into this bar one day and I sat down and bought a drink. Then another guy sat down beside me and was all sad and lonley. So the bartender asked me to take him back into the back room and make this lonely guy happy. I said okay, and so I took the guy into the back room and 30 seconds later I came out with the guy laughing his head off. And so a few weeks later I went back into that same bar sat down and ordered a drink and that same guy came in and sat down next to me. And he was still laughing. The bartender said it was driving him crazy and said for me to take him back into the back room and make him sad again. so I did and 10 seconds later I came out with that guy sad again and sat down and ordered another beer. Later the bartender asked me how I made him laugh so hard, I said my dick was bigger than his. Then he asked how did you make him so unhappy? and I said I showed him.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By E.D.
one day these three ladies and there three daughters were sitting in a waitng room at the doctors office. One girl went up to her mom and said "Mom why did you call me rose?" and the mom said "because when you were swinging on your swing set a rose peddle fell on your head." So another girl went up to her mom and said "mom why'd you callme daisy?" and the mom said "because when you were swinging on your swing set a daisy fell on your head". Then a really retarded kid went up to his mom and said "MOM why'da call me Brick".

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jacquie
There's this guy that has to go work construction and there's only males at this site. So one day he goes up to his boss and he's like "man what do you guys do for sex around here?" his boss replies"see that barrel over there with the hole in it? Go over there and fuck that barrel." The construction worker was like "no way, not in my life time." So a few weeks pass and he's really horney and he asks his boss again, his boss replies the same way. This time the construction worker was like okay I'll try it. He goes over there and puts it in the barrel and fucks it. When he's done he goes back over to his boss and says "thats the best sex I've ever had! Can I use that barrel anytime I want?" his boss replies "Sure you can, anytime except for Wednesday.....Thats your night in the barrel."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Colie-flower
A man receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium-he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter he notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man replies no. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?" The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967." "Well, that's terribly sad. But still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?" "No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By bimal
Q. What's the similarity between woman and spaghetti? A. They both wriggle when you eat them.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Pam
How do you know your staying in a Redneck motel? When you call the front desk and tell them you have a leak in the sink, and they say "Go right ahead I do"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By RICK GREGO
A MAN STOPS AT A BAR ON HIS WAY HOME FROM WORK, HE GOES INSIDE AND NOTICES ITS A GAY BAR BUT REALLY WANTS A BEER SO HE GOES IN ANY WAY. HE GOES UP TO THE BAR AND THE BARTENDER SAYS CAN I HELP YOU HE SAID GIVE ME A BEER BUT THE BARTENDER SAYS TELL ME THE NAME OF YOUR PENIS FIRST. THE MAN REPLYS I'M NOT LIKE THAT BUT THE BARTENDERS SAYS BEFOR I SERVE YOU YOU HAVE TO TELL ME THE NAME OF YOUR PENIS SO THE MAN TURNS TO THE MAN ON HIS RIGHT AND ASK WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR PENIS THE MAN SAYS FORD THE MAN ASK WHY THE GAY MAN REPLYS HAVE YOU DRIVEN A FORD LATLEY!, SO THE MAN TURNS TO THE GAY MAN ON HIS LEFT AND ASK WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR PENIS HE SAYS TIMEX IT TAKES A LICKIN AND KEEPS ON TICKING THE MAN CONFUSED FINALY COMES UP WITH A NAME SO THE BARTENDER SAYS WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR PENIS HE SAYS SECRET THEY ASK WHY HE SAYS STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN BUT MADE FOR A WOMEN.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By joey
A vampire walks into a bar at noon and says, "bartender, a glass of blood, please". Bartender acknowledges and serves her order. Another vampire comes in and again says "bartender, a mug of blood please". Bartender serves it up again. A few hours later, a female vampire walks into the bar, and says "bartender, a glass of hot water, please". Bartender says, "dont ya mean a glass of blood, ma'am?". Female vampire (pulling out a used tampon) says "shut-up, damn-it, it's tea-time. I know what time it is".

Smile This Joke was Submitted By ban
son: "i wish to set up a factory " father : "a factory? about what?" son: You put a pig in the machine and out comes sausages. father : you fool. women are better. You put a sausage in them and out come pigs like you.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By chicano power
yo mama is so fat that she had to use highway 101 for a slide
your mama is so stupid that she tried to drown a fish
your mama is so stupid that when she got locked in the bathroom she peed in her pants.
your mamas so toothless that it takes her an hour to eat min. rice.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Melissa
Q. What's the difference between male snowmen and female snowmen?
A. Snow-balls!

Q. Why did the snowman pull down his pants?
A. Cause the snow-blower was coming!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By WAYNE
DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TURN A FOX INTO A PITBULL? MARRY THE BITCH!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By butthead
I am perfectly sane, the little voices in my head told me so .

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Bob Dickless
Q: Whats the difference between a bunette and the Titanic?
A:They know how many men went down on the Titanic.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Trina Waterman
A mother looked at her daughter and asks her what she wants for Christmas.Daughter replies, "Barbie and G.I Joe." Her mother looks at her and says,"Dosen't Barbie come with Ken?" The daughter replies"No,she only fakes it with Ken, she really comes with G.I Joe."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Zack Smith
Mrs Jones walks into the Yamagotchi International bank and tells the cashier that she wants to open an account for £3 million but first she would like to she the manager. she is ushered into his office and the manager asked her how she came by such a large sum of money "was it an inheiritence?","no" she says. "Was it by playing the stock market?", "no" she says. "how then?" "i bet people". the bank manager looks confused so Mrs Jones says "how about we make a bet so i can show you what i mean" "ok" says the manager. "i'll bet you £10000 that by tommorow your balls will be square" the bank manager thinks this will be ok and agrees. So the bank manager is carefull of where he sits and how he walks and sure enough they stay round. The next morning Mrs Jones returns with a man in tow. "this is my laywer" says Mrs jones "just to make sure that every thing i do with money will be leagal. The bank manager tells Mrs jones that nothing has changed apart from he is now £10000 richer . "well" said Mrs jones "you understand that i shall have to check". the bank manager takes down his trousers and thinks of the £10000 sure enough Mrs jones finds his balls are still round. as the bank manager was doing up his trousers he noticed her laywer was banging his head aganist a wall. "whats the matter with him?" he asks "well said mrs jones i bet him £25000 that by today i would have the manager of the yamagotchi bank by the balls"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Mike
Two people were walking in the woods when they came across a pair of tracks. One of them said they were Deer tracks while the other insisted they were moose tracks. Well, they argued and argued about it. They were even still arguing about it when the train ran them over.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Ryan Scanlon
What did Tarzan say when the elephants were coming ?
A: The elephants are coming.
What did Tarzan say when the elephants were coming waring sunglasses.
A: Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Ryan Scanlon
Your mamas like a shotgun cocked and ready to blow

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Bill Dahlgren
3 guys have been marooned on a desert island for 5 years. One day a bottle washes up on the beach and out pops a genie. He promptly gives each guy one wish. The first guy says "I wish I was back in Dublin, with a lass on each arm drinking a pint of Guiness Stout". PUUF, He's gone. The next guy says "I wish I was in bed with a beautiful woman, sipping a $400 bottle of wine in a villa overlooking the deep blue Meiterrainean. PUUF, he's gone. The genie looks at the third guy and says "And what is you're wish". The guy says "Gee it sure got lonely here all of a sudden, I sure wish I had my two buddies back!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Amanda
Why is getting 77 better than getting 69ed?
A: Because you get ate more.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By PYRO
Two guys walk into a bar they sit down to have a drink. While they're waiting for their drinks this beautiful women walks in. "Man I wish I had her" the first guy says "Yeah me too "says the second. The first guy leaves to go to the washroom. while he is pissing at the urinal he looks down at the short guy beside him. "Wow you short guys sure have big schlongs" he says. "Yeah us leprechauns sure have big ones" He says with an accent. "Wait a minute if your a leprechaun than I should get 3 wishes right?" the guy says. "Yes your right" exclaims the leprechaun. "Ok I would like too be rich.". "Your the richest man alive. "I would like to have that woman out in the bar." He said. "She's all yours" said the leprechaun. "I would like to own a nice car. "You own a ferrari" Says the leprechaun. The man starts to leave and the leprechaun goes "Oh wait not so fast, I gave you something now you have to give me something back!" "Ok what do you want?" says the man. "I want you to give it to me up me bumm" "Noooo way" says the man. But he thinks about all the stuff he would get if he did. "Well ok but make it fast" So the man unzips and goes about his buisness. When he's done the short man goes "How old are you sonny?" The man replies "37". "Your 37 years old and you still believe in leprechauns?"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Brian
A guy walks up to the bar and says"I bet $100 that I can piss in that beer mug from here. The bartender says your on. The guy pisses on everything but the cup. the bartender laughs then says "you owe me $100. The guy says one minute. He comes back. the bartender says, "I can't believe you made such a stupid bet. The guy says "No loss to me. I bet that guy over there $1000 I could piss all over you and your bar and all you would do is laugh.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By beat
beat me

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Denis
A man asked a girl to marry him. She replied yes, on the condition that he would never look under the bed. The man agreed. After 15 years of marrige, the man decides to look under the bed. He found $10,000 and 3 empty bottles of beer. He told his wife that he looked under the bed. She asked him what he saw. He replied the truth. He asked her why she had 3 empty bottles of beer under the bed. She replied: "every time I had sex with another guy, I put an empty bottle of beer under the bed". The guy was not happy but he forgave her. Then he asked about the $ 10 000. She replied "Every time I had 12 bottles of beer, I sold them!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Beast Callanan
What did the two blind men say as they were walking past the fish shop?
Good morning ladies.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Stuart Rowe
Q: A Perfect woman and a Perfrect man had a Perfect marriage. One Perfect day, they were driving down the road when they saw a hitchiker by the side of the road. The hitchiker was Santa Claus, and, being the Perfect couple they were, they picked Santa up. Further down the road, they had an accident. All were killed. What is wrong with this story?
WOMEN'S A: Santa Claus and a Perfect man don't exist.
MAN'S A: If Santa and the Perfect man don't exist, that means that the Perfect woman was driving. This explains why there was an accident.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Poco
Q:What is worse then being raped by your dad?
A: Being fingered by Captain Hook

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Megan
This bear walks into the bar and asks for a beer to wash down the person that he just ate. The lady says,"sorry but we don't serve bears here." So the bear ate her. Then the bear says,"give me a beer to wash down this person that I just ate." The new bartender says,"That's it, I'm calling the cops." He goes,"Why?" She goes, "Drug abuse." He goes, "I haven't done any drugs." She goes, "wasn't that just a bar-bitch-you-ate!" (barbituate)

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Elin Risvold
There was this guy who was desperate for a date, and he thought the beach would be the right place to look. But when he gets there all the women are busy talking to the bodyguard. The man asks him "What do I need to do to get a date?". The body-guard replies: "You`re a little pale, go to the tanning booth and get yourself a tan.The man did so, and came back with a nice tan. But the women would not react at all. "Go get yourself a better looking swimsuit, that ought to do it." But even with a cool looking swimsuit, the women were not interested. "Women like men with enough tools in their pants. Go put a potato in you pants, and you`ll be fine.", says the bodyguard. But when the man gets back to the beach, all the women start screaming, and they all run away. The bodyguard gets mad and yells: You stupid idiot, the potatoe goes in front!!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Frank Mauro
She's sooo ugly, the tide wouldn't even take her out!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jason
There's this drunk man that walks into a pet store looking for a cockerspanial. He asks the man at the store if he has a cock-n-spanket the man replies you mean a cockerspanial, ya, ya whatever so he grabs his cockerspanial and leaves. Next he enters a bakery and asks the baker for some bums, the baker replies "you mean some buns" ya ya whatever so he takes the buns and heads to the hardware store where he asks for a fuckit,"you mean a bucket. ya ya whatever. So he's walking down the street and his cocker jumps out of his arms. He see's a police man at the corner and gives him the bucket and buns. He tells the officer "Here hold my bum and fuckit while I go get my cock-n-spankit."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Erika
An 80 year-old woman decided it was time to go to heaven, so she chooses to shoot herself in the heart. But she doesn't know exactly where that is so she calls her doctor. He tells her, "Two inches below your left nipple." So she goes and gets her gun and shoots herself in her left knee.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Eddie Ramirez
A deaf couple went out on a date. They went to a resturaunt and to a movie. They had a very romantic time and they both thought it was the right time to make love. The woman told the man to go to the drugstore to buy protection. The deaf man agreed. He went down to the store and went to the pharmasist. In sign language he asked for a large box of condoms. The pharmasist just shook his head and said, " Sorry buddy. Don't know sign language." The disapointed man went home to his girlfriend with no condoms. She said ( in signlanguage ), Go try again!!! I want to have sex NOW!!!" The nervous boyfriend went back to the drug store to try his luck. He went up to the drugist again, asked for condoms in signlanguage again, and again the drugist shruged his shoulders. This time his girlfriend was REALLY mad. " GO DOWN TO THE DRUGSTORE, TAKE OUT YOUR PENIS, AND LAY IT ON THE COUNTER. THEN TAKE THE DOLLAR AND LAY IT NEXT TO IT!! THEN HE WILL PROBABLY UNDERSTAND!!" So the boyfriend went down to the drugstore, went to the drugist, took out his penis, and layed the dollar next to it. The drugist then said, " OHH. NOW I GET IT!!" The pharmasist took out his penis and a dollar, and layed them both across the table next to the deaf mans. " HEY, I WIN!!" SAID THE PHARMASIST AS HE TOOK THE TWO DOLLARS.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By MrWiNKiE
These three guys are walking through the woods when they get captured by this indian tribe. Well the chief says to the first guy "I will let you go free if you choose rumpa rumpa or you can die" Well the first guy says I don't know what the hell rumpa rumpa is but I sure as shit dont wan't to die so he picks rumpa rumpa. So this big dude comes out and fucks him right up the ass and the guy is screaming and crying but he goes free. The second guy also chooses rumpa rumpa because like the first guy he doesn't want to die either. So the guy fucks him up the ass too! Then the third guy is like that's nasty man give me death I dont want to get fucked up the ass by him, so the chief says ok death. . . . . . by rumpa rumpa!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Eric Jones
Your so fat your fat.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By BOND...JAMES BOND
ALBERT EINSTINE STARTS A CLUB. SO THE 1st MAN COME TO THE GATE & ALBERT ASK "WHAT'S YOUR I.Q.?" "127" HE SAID "GREAT WE CAN TALK MATH!" THE NEXT MAN COMES UP, AND ALBERT REPEATS THE QUESTEN, HE SAID "200" "WOW WE CAN TALK EVEN MORE. THE LAST MAN COME UP (SAME THING) HE SAID "53" ALBERT LEANS OVER AND SAID "HOW ABOUT THOSE COWBOYS"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By TUG
Why do polocks put ice in there condoms?
To keep the swelling down.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Frank

  1. What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
    A huddle!
  2. Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, Who is driving?
  3. The police!!
  4. Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
    It's a parole violation for him to associate with known felons!
  5. Doctors say because of Michael Irvin's broken clavicle, it will be 6-8 weeks before he can video a teammate having sex!
  6. I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin.
    They got rid of the refrigerator, so now they want a coke machine!!
  7. The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the Cowboys play better on grass.!
  8. The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new Honor System.
    Yes, your honor, No, your Honor!!
  9. The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year.
    Yeh, 12 arrests, 5 convictions!!
  10. The Coiwboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator.
    Johnny Cochran!!
  11. How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at the spring training?
    Studying the Miranda Rights!!!
Smile This Joke was Submitted By Marcella
yOUR MAMAS SO FAT SHE HAD TO GO TO SEAWORLD TO BE BAPTIZED

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Paul and Brett
What does an 80 year old woman have between her breasts that a 20 year old woman doesn't?
Her naval.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Tina
Q: What has 60 balls and screws you twice a week?
A: The Lottery

Q: What do two lesbians do once a month?
A: Fingerpaint

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Judy Jean
A young couple are on their honeymoon and just before entering the honeymoon suite the groom remembers the advise given him by the best man. "Remember to assert yourself immediately so your new wife knows who wears the pants in the family". Upon entering the room he immediately takes off his pants, throws them to her and demands that she put them on. She is a bit surprised and confused but does as he asks. She then tells him that the pants are too large for her. He says "That's right and don't forget it, I wear the pants in this family". In responce the bride removes her panties and tosses them to her husband demanding that he put them on. It took some pesuading but he finally agreed but could not get the panties up past his knees and said to his wife "I can't get into these". The bride calmly replied "That's right and with that attitude you never will"!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By jim uren
Two men were returning from a large night on the town, extremely drunk, when they noticed a flashing blue light in the rear view mirror. The driver quickly looks at his passenger and says "Peel two labels off those beer bottles!" The passenger, quite confused, still does as he is told. "Now let's stick them on our foreheads!" The police officer, shining the light in the car at them says "Wooo Boy, it looks like you two are some kind of drunk!" The driver says "No Sir, Officer, we're just on the patch!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By DANIEL HACKER
THESE THREE MICE ARE SITTING IN A BAR AND THEY ALL ORDER SCREWDRIVERS.ONE FINISHES HIS DRINK AND THINKS HE IS COOL.HE SAYS I BET I CAN TAKE THE CHEESE OUT OF A MOUSE TRAP AND NOT GET CAUGHT IN IT. THE SECOND SAYS THAT'S NOTHING. HE SAYS, I CAN TAKE TWO DRINKS OF RAT POISON AND NOT DIE. THE THIRD MOUSE GETS UP AND STARTS TO WALK OUT AND THE OTHER TWO ASK HIM WHERE HE IS GOING AND HE SAID I AM GOING TO SCREW THE CAT!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By jed
Why are motorcycles better than women?
If you get a black one you can show it to your parents.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Cristal
Q: What is the defenition of a male?
A: The useless part of the dick.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Ron C. Korber
What do you call a mastebating cow?
Beef-strokingoff

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Brandon Eldridge
This guy was on a date with a blind woman and he went back to his house and his roommates were there. so he acted like he was rich and said to the 1st roomate "Jeeves go to the east wing of the building and retrieve our finest china." And the 2nd roommate says "Translation go to the garage and get our plastic Lion King Thermos."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Byron Langdon
A hair liped man walks into a nut store and asked the clerk with a tremendously large nose how much his peanuts were a pound. "$3.00 per pound" says the clerk. "How much is your pecans?" asked the man in a muterd stamer. "6.00 per pound" replies the clerk. "Well thank you for the information and I appreciate you not making fun of the way I talk." says the man graciously. "I know what you mean,I catch hell about my large nose." exclamed the clerk. "Nose? Hell I thought it was your dick beings how you nuts are so high"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Brandon Eldridge
You can shave your hamster if you want, but don't expect him to look any better.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Michael
Your mom's armpits are so hairy it looks like she has Don King in a head lock!!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Brandon Eldridge
If you insist on hanging around with urinals expect to get soaked.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By billy bob joe
A duck walks into a store to buy some chapstick and the clerk asks do you want this on your creditcard? and he said no just put it on my bill!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Tami
In mrs. Johnsons first grade class it was taste and smell day . She passed out a piece of lemmon to everyone and said "Now everyone put on your blind folds and take a taste,can anyone tell me what this is?" This little girl rased her hand and said "It's a lemon Mrs. Johnson ." "Very good" Then Mrs. Johnson went around and pased out cherrys and asked, "Now can anyone tell me what this is?" a little boy raised his hand and shouted " It's A cherry " "Very good." Then she passed some honey arould and said "Now can anyone tell me what this is ." but nobody could answer so she said, "I'll give you a hint it's something your parents call you sometimes. "This little boy stands up and screams out "QUICK SPIT IT OUT IT'S AN ASSHOLE."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Kathryn
Q: How are tits and toy trains similar?
A: They're both meant for the kids, but the daddy always ends up playig with them.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Marcella.Britos
"Dad what's a honeymoon?" "Well son, it is a holiday, before you go to work for a new boss,"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By David E Pico
What did the business man say to the high school graduate?
It's a jungle out there, you have to watch out for number 1... but be careful not to step on number 2.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Bobby Joe
Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Ben Hegard
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hang on to your nuts this ain't no ordinary blow job.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Alfred Penland
A young man was engaged to a beautiful woman and was finally going to meet her parents. At the front door of the woman's parents home, the young man realized he was in a state of total gastric distress. Just then the door opened and his future mother-in-law welcomed him inside. The man had a seat on the sofa along with the family dog. "Man, if I could just fart once I would feel so much better", the man thought to himself. So he squeezed out a tiny fart and the mother yelled out "SPOT!". Relieved that the dog had been blamed for the fart, the man figured he could get by with another larger fart. So he let out a medium sized fart and again the mother yelled out "SPOT!". Convinced he would feel fine after one more fart he let out a large honking fart. Almost immediately after the mother yelled out "SPOT!, move away from that man before he shits on you!!!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Brandon Eldridge
Why does a fat chance and a slim chance mean the same thing?

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Brandon Eldridge
What color does a smurf turn if you choke it?

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Matt Ortmeier
There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Matt Ortmeier
Beauty is in the eye of the Beer Holder.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Matt Ortmeier
Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Matt Ortmeier
If you melt dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Matt Ortmeier
If you write a book about failures, and it doesn't sell, is it a success?

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Brandon Eldridge
These indians finally captured the lone ranger and told him "Were gonna kill you tommorrow at sundown" So he said "Can I talk to my horse" So the chief let him he went over to Silver And Whispered something in his ear. The horse took off like lightning And returned the next day at noon with 6 other horses with a naked lady on each horse. So they had this big orgy deal and that evening the chief went over to the lone ranger and said we really appreciate that but we're still gonna kill you. So the lone ranger asked the chief if he could talk to Silver and the chief said yes so the lone ranger goes over to Silver and says outloud "I SAID POSSE YOU IDIOT!!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By amber roberts
Q: What do little girls from Kentucky and bear cubs have in common?
A: They both like to lick their paws.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Nicholas
This ten year old boy walks into a whore house carrying a dead frog. He walks up to the madam and asks for a whore for the night. She replies, "Well aren’t you a little young for that?" He whips out $200 from his pocket and slams it on the table. A little astonished she says "OK, upstairs to the right." The boy begins to go up the stairs. About half way up he stops and comes back down. He goes up to the madam and says, "I want one with active herpes." Disturbed she replies, "all my girls are clean." He whips out another $200 from his pocket and slams it on the table. Even more astonished she replies, "Upstairs to the left." The boy goes up the stairs.
About a half hour later he comes down with a big grin on his face. Now the madam was getting a little curious about the boy so she stops him and asks, "What are you doing with $400, a dead frog and a whore." "Well," he replies, "tonight when I go home the baby-sitter and I will have sex. Then when my dad takes her home they’ll stop off and have sex too. Then later on after that my mom and my dad will have sex. And around 11am tomorrow the mailman will come and him and my mom will have sex and he’s the S.O.B. who killed my frog."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By SPIKE
You're Moma's So Hairy She Climbed The Empire State Building And The Fire Department Said "I Thought We Killed That Thing!".

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Chris
A man was screaming and jumping around the house when his wife walked in and asked, "what the hell is going on?" The husband shouted, "Pack your bags I just won the lottery, 10 million dollars!!" The wife replied, "Oh my gosh, what should I pack for? Hot weather or cold?" The husband yelled back, "I don't care as long as your gone by twelve."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Chris
A little boy asked his father to explain to him what politics was. The father says, "ok lets base politics on our family. We can call your mother the government because she is the one who distributes the money. And call me capitiliziam, because I make the money. The maid will be called the working class. You will be the people, and your baby brother, the future." The little boy still doesn't quite understand so the father tells him to sleep on it. Later that night the little boy had a bad dream and woke up. He went into his parents room where he saw his mother sound asleep and hius dad nowhere in sight. He tried to wake his mom up but she was snoring louldly and could not be wakened. He wandered down the hall when he heard moaning and screaming coming from the hall closet, he opened the door and saw his father and the maid engaged in wild sex. He knocked on the door and tried to get their attention, but the couldn't hear him. He was walking back to his room when he heard his baby brother crying. The baby had pooed his diaper and needed to be changed. The little boy not knowing what to do went back to bed. In the morning the father asked him if he understood politics yet. The little boy replied, "Well, while capitilazim is screwing the working class, and the government is sound asleep, the people are being compleatly ignored, and the future is full of SHIT!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Chris
A husband and a wife don't like talking about sex around their little children, so insted of saying sex, they say washing machine. Saying washing machine had become a habit for them, so one night the husband rolls over and says "washing machiine" to the wife. The wife who is very tired replies. "later" About ten minutes later the husband rolls over again and says, "washing machine" The wife who is very tired mumbles, "late" About half hour later the wife, feeling guilty, rolls over and says. "ok washing machine" The husband replies, "thats ok it was a small load and I did it by hand"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Traavis Shore
A man walks into a bar with a pet alligator. The bartender says, " what's up with the alligator?" The man replies, " this alligator gives the best blowjob in the world." The bartender says in disbelief, "prove it." The man hits the alligator on the head and it opens it's mouth. The man sticks his dick in and after while, he hits the alligator on the head and it opens it's mouth and he takes his dick out. The man says, " would anyone else like to try?" A feminine vioice from the back says, "I would, but promise you won't hit me on the head with that stick."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Travis Shore
A man goes to the doctor and says" Doc, I have a problem. My dick has turned orange." The doctor replies, " has there been anything stressful happen in your life the past few months?" The man says "yes, I recently divorced my wife of 15 years." The doctor asks the man, " what do you do with your spare time?" The man says, "nothing! I just sit around watch pornos and eat Cheetos!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Colt44
What do all the female reindeer do on Christmas Eve while all the males are out pulling Santa's sleigh? Go into town and blow a few bucks!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Megan
A lady walked into a bar with a duck under her arm. Then the bartender said "Sorry, pigs aren't allowed in here". Then the lady said " This is a duck". The bartender said" I was talking to the duck."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Phil k
A guy walks into a bar and orders a Smith and Smith twelve year old scotch, the bartender thinking that the guy wouldn't know the difference, pours him a shot of the house scotch. The man takes one sip and spits it out, then he yells, "What the hell is this some cheap house brand!?!" He then says please bring me what I ordered. The bartender somewhat maddened decides to pour the man a shot of Johnnie Walker. The man again spits out the drink and says, "Although this is a good scotch this isn't what I ordered." So the bartender, in order to test the connoisseurs ability, pours the man a shot of Smith and Smith ten year old scotch. The man once again spits the scotch out and says, "Now you have gotten the brand right my friend, but this is only a 10 year old scotch." A drunk sitting nearby is listening and hands the man a large glass filled with liquid. The man takes one sip spits it out and says, "This is piss!!!" The drunk simply replies, "YEAH NOW HOW OLD AM I?"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By brandon eldridge
whats the difference between a fish and a mountain goat. The fish likes to muck around a fountain.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By joe smith
your mama is so fat last time she saw 90210 was on a scale

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Bodyguard
An excited man just won the lottery and calls his wife from work. "Dear...Dear....I've just won Ten million dollars."
wife:" Oh my God..Oh my God" and she starts to hyperventilate.
man:" Just pack, Pack anything you can find!"
wife asks: " Pack? Pack what? Are we going to the tropics or are we going to a mountain cabin?"
man: " Just pack and get the Hell out my house!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By dayna rancourt
What's the difference between a rubix cube and a penis? the longer you play with them the harder they get

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jim Nordman
Your moma so fat when she got on the scale it said to be continued..

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jim Nordman
One day a lady went to the doctor and told him "Sex between my husband and I has gone to crap. Can you help me." The doctor gave her some pills and repilied "Give one pill to your husband tonight and you will have good sex. She tried it and that night they had sex. The next day she wanted more so she gave her husband 5 pills. Two days later the womens little boy went to the doctor that gave his mother the pills. The doctor asked the boy, "How is you family doing?" The boy replied, "Well, my mom is dead, my sister is pregnant, my butt-hole hurts, and my dad is outside saying 'Here kitty kitty!'"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Erica Urtuzuastegui
Q.What does a red head and a bowling ball have in common?
A. A red head gets picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter and still comes back for more.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By JUICER
Your mama is so fat she fits on both sides of the family

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Juice
Your mama is so fat that when she stepped on a scale to weigh her self it said " one at a time please"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Brandon Eldridge
What's the difference between a dog on the back porch barking and a woman on the front yelling.
You let them both in the dog will shut up.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By john
What's the difference between a fish and a mountain goat.
the fish like to muck around a fountain

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Nick Thompson
There were three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a newly we couple. They all wanted to join a church. They went to the priest and asked him what they needed to do to join. The priest said, "You have to abstain from sex for exactly two weeks." The three couples agreed, and went home. Two weeks later they arrived back at the church. The priest said to the elderly couple, "Did you abstain from sex for two weeks?" The elderly couple replied, "Yes, it was no problem." The priest replied, "Welcome to the church!" The priest asked the same question to the middle aged couple. The husband replied, "Well, it was all right for the first week, but after that it was a little difficult -- I had to sleep on the couch." The priest welcomed them to the church. The priest asked the third couple. The husband replied "We didn't manage it, your worthyship" The priest said, "What happened". The husband said, "Well my wife was reaching for some chips on the top shelf when the fell off and she had to bend over and pick them up. I was behind her and couldn't resist but to take advantage of her." The priest said, "You do realise this means you are not welcome into the church, don't you!" The husband replied, "Well, it doesn't matter now because we're not welcome in Safeways either."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By stacy
yo mommas so poor when she goes to KFC she has to lick other peoples fingers.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By LINDROS
Once there was triplets inside a mother's womb.One day they were talking about what they each wanted to be. The first said "I want to be a electrician." The other two said " what the hell do you want to be an electriacian for?" "because I'm going to get some light in here so no one else has to go nine months in the dark. the second one said "I want to be a plummer, so its not so wet in here for everyone else who has to go thru this" The third one said"I want to be a trapper, so I can catch that damn gopher that keeps popping his head inside here

Smile This Joke was Submitted By LINDROS
Once there was triplets inside a mother's womb.One day they were talking about what they each wanted to be. The first said "I want to be a electrician." The other two said " what the hell do you want to be an electriacian for?" "because I'm going to get some light in here so no one else has to go nine months in the dark. the second one said "I want to be a plummer, so its not so wet in here for everyone else who has to go thru this" The third one said"I want to be a trapper, so I can catch that damn gopher that keeps popping his head inside here

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Jon Liesmaki
Q: What's the difference between like and love?
A: Spit and swallow!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By ?
I like every bone in your body, especailly mine

Smile This Joke was Submitted By michael mulvey
three nuns sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat walks up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke, the second nun has a stroke, the third nun couldn't reach!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Adam McGillivray
Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common ?
A: The Balls are for deceration.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By ?
An American and a polak were sitting in a bar watch ing the news.The American said to the polak i bet you $100 the man jumps off the building so the Polak says ok. they're watching thus guy and he jumps off.the polak paid the guy his money and the guy left.about ten minutes later the man walks back in and says to the polak i have to tell you the truth man i watched the 5:00 news and the polak says, "So did I, I just thought the man wouldn't do it twice.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By jessica
Your mama so fat when god said let there be light he asked her to move out of the way!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Danielle
What has 180 legs and no pubic hair???
The front row of a spice girls concert!!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By greg
Two nuns were walking down a path and saw two usher boys with their dicks in the snow. One went to the other: Why do those boys have their penises in the snow.The other answeres:You havee drunk, the cops pulled up (they were girls). they asked if your dicks aren't 8 inchs long your going to jail. She checked the first guys dick good, then the second guys dick, then the third guys dick.then when the cop left the third guy said"good thing I had a boner!!!!!!!!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Joe Moore
A guy walks into the bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a beer, and make it anything but a Budweiser!" So the bartender opens a Coors and hands it to him. "What's wrong with Budweiser?" the bartender asked. Watching the customer as he wiped a glass, he said,"its one of the best beers on the market, in fact I'll give you one on the house if you'll try it!" "No thanks," the guy replied, "I drank 18 Budweisers last night and woke up this morning blowing chunks." "Geeeze," the bartender said, "You drink 18 of ANYTHING you're apt to wake up blowing chunks!" "No, you don't understand," replied the guy. "Chunks is my bulldog..."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Shannan
Q:What has 6 tits and 2 teeth A:3rd shift at the waffle house

Smile This Joke was Submitted By V - P Leino
Two poets, Shakespeare and Longfellow were applying to heaven after their death. At heavens gate they met with St. Peter. "Unfortunately, we only have room for one poet. We have to have a competition. You both have ten minutes to write a poem and your topic is TIMBUCTU." said St. Peter. Both of the poets started to work hard. It was a war between these two great writers. After ten minutes, St. Peter said: "Let´s see what you have!" It was Longfellows turn: - A hot desert, empty land not a soul in there, only sand a caravan passing through destination, Timbuktu! Marvellous, said St.Peter. After that, Shakespeare started: - Me and Tim hunting went, we saw three maidens in a tent. Them was three and us was two, so I bucked one and Tim bucked two!!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By neil kaplan
The Man goes off to war, but before he goes to war he gives his girlfriend this box. What is in the box. Well honey, this is a special little box, inside the box their is an ugga bugga man. I wanted to make sure that you were faithful to me. The ugga bugga man will be their for you whenever you get her. Watch. Ugga Bugga on the wall. The ugga bugga jumps out of the box and onto the wall and starts humping the wall. Ugga Bugga on the ceiling. He goes to the ceiling and starts humping the ceiling. Ugga Bugga on the floor. He goes to the floor and starts humping the floor. Ugga Bugga back in the box. He goes back to the box. The boyfriend goes off to war now feeling comfortable that his girlfriend will not cheat on him. She tries real hard not to cheat on him, not even with the ugga bugga man, but after one month she finally gives in and calls the ugga bugga man. Ugga Bugga on me, the ugga bugga man jumps on her and starts humping her till their is no end, he is the best fuck she has ever had. Better than her boyfriend and better than any previous boyfriend, she is loving it, and finally after several orgasms can't take it any more and says ugga bugga back in the box. She is completely tired out. Her brother comes and wants to know why she is so tired. She explains about the ugga bugga man and why her boyfriend gave it to her. Her brother can't believe one word of it and says......UGGA BUGGA MY ASS!!!!!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Joe
Q Why is sex like baseball.
A if your not paying attention a ball might hit you in the face

Smile This Joke was Submitted By AMANDA
LIKE THE OTHER DAY I WAS BLOW DRYING MY HAIR AND LIKE MY BLOW DRYER STARTED ON FIRE. SO I CALLED LIKE THE FIRE DEPARTMENT AND I LIKE TOLD THEM THAT MY BLOW DRYER WAS ON FIRE. THEY LIKE ASKED ME WELL, HOW DO WE GET THERE? LIKE DUH IN YOUR RED TRUCK OF COURSE

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Tiffany
A woman recently married her fourth husband. It being the wedding night, the man was very excited. She came out of the bathroom in a silky, sexy, white lace gown. The man's eyes about popped out of his head. He jumped up to rush over to her. She threw up her hands and said, "be gentle, I'm a virgin." "What do you mean you're a virgin?" the man said. "I mean I'm a virgin. I've never had sex." "You've just married me, your fourth husband so I'd like to know how you can still be a virgin." "Well that's easy. My first husband was a gynocolgist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a sex therapist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. My third husband was a stamp collector...God I miss that man!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By unidentified
Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
To find Poo(h)

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Laura
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs

Smile This Joke was Submitted By steve woodhouse
What do you call a deer with no eyes? Answer:no eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Answer: Still, no eye deer. What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no genitals? Answer: Still, no fucking eye deer.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Elliott
One night there was a girl sitting in the middle of a bridge, in a whell chair crying and a man walked up and said "why are you crying?" She said "I am sixteen years old and I have never been kissed," so he kissed her but she kept crying. So he asked again "why are you crying?" "I am sixteen years old and I have never been Fucked." So he picked her up and walked to the edge of the bridge, then droped her and right before she hit the water, yelled, "WELL YOUR FUCKED NOW!!!"

Smile This Joke was Submitted By tutinkom
Little Johnny was in school one day and teacher asked someone to make up a sentence. So Johnny put up his hand and teacher said "use the word Lovely in a sentence,better yet use the word twice in a sentence". So Johnny thought for a moment and said I know "last night my sister came home and told my dad she was pregnant" my dad said "Lovely Fucking Lovely."

Smile This Joke was Submitted By moe
What do you call a short dog with steel balls?
Sparkey

Smile This Joke was Submitted By neil
A man who'd just fallen into a swimming pool started yelling "I can't swim, I CAN'T SWIM!!". A Pole sitting nearby says "Whassa matter with him, I can't play the piano and I 'm not yelling

Smile This Joke was Submitted By neil
what do you do to a dog with no legs?
Take it for a drag.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By julian
Q.How do you make a pool table giggle?
A.Tickle its balls

Smile This Joke was Submitted By T-KRAZY
Your mama is so poor, she went to Kentucky Fried Chicken just to lick other peoples fingers.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By bill
what should one do in an emergency if an epileptic falls into your swimming pool?
quickly throw in your dirty clothes and suds!!

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Andy Simms
One night this guy was driving home from work, & then he heard a noise and it was the police. So he stopped. The police officer came over and saw a bottle and said son "what is in that bottle?" He said why that is water sir. Let me see that, so he gives it to he and the cop tasted it and said that's not water that's wine, & the driver said praise the Lord he did it again.

Smile This Joke was Submitted By Andy Simms
One night this guy was driving home from work, & then he heard a noise and it was the police. So he stopped. The police officer came over and saw a bottle and said son "what is in that bottle." He said why that is water sir. Let me see that, so he gives it to he and the cop tasted it and said that's not water that's wine, & the driver said praise the Lord he did it again.


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