Blonde Jokes


A blonde went to her mail box several times way before it was time for the mailman to make his rounds. A neighbor noticed her repeated trips to the curb and asked if she was waiting for a special delivery.
"No," she replied, "My computer keeps telling me I have mail." A blonde was telling a priest a Pollock joke, when halfway through the priest interrupts her, "Don't you know I'm Polish?" "Oh, I'm sorry," the blonde apologizes, "do you want me to start over and talk slower?" A blonde goes by an eletronic store when she notices a TV in the front window. She needed a new TV, it had lots of buttons, looked nice and was selling for $216. So she goes in and asked for the TV in the front window but the salesman said "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." So she just stormed out. She really wanted this TV so overnight, she dyed her hair red. She came in and asked for the TV in the front window. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." came the reply. By this time she was desperate so she goes home and shaves off her hair. She goes in and asks for the TV in the front window but the salesman just goes, 'We don't sell to blondes.' 'How do you know I'm a blonde. I dyed my hair red, and then I even shaved it off, and you still know I'm a blonde. HOW?" "There are only microwaves in the front window."

Three blondes were walking through the desert when they found a magic genie's lamp. They released the genie and he told them, "I will grant three wishes, one for each of you." The first said, "I wish I were smarter". So she became a redhead. The second blonde said "I wish I were smarter than her." She became a brunette. The third blond said "I wish I were smarter than both of them." So she became a man.

Confucious say: blonde who fly upside down have crack up.

At a carwash in Burbank, there were two identical Hondas coming out at the same time. A beautiful blond woman jumps into one and takes off, leaving its owner rather perplexed. About three minutes later, she reappears at the car wash yelling, "who ripped off my car phone!"

Last night I went home to my blonde girlfriend, and told her I was going to screw her brains out. Then I realized I was too late.

A blonde is suffering froma sore throat so she goes to see the doctor. She explains the problem to the doctor who asks her to sit down. He gets out his light and says, "Open wide". "I can't," replies the blonde, "the chair's fitted with arms."

A blonde friend of mine was looking for some transportation, so I bought her a Woody. I called her up later and asked how she like it. She told me it was OK, but that it didn't look so good once she had taken it out of the crate.

A blonde goes into the drug store to buy some rubbers (so she can practice safe sex). She walks up to the pharmicist and asks "How much for a box of rubbers?" "They're $1 for a box of 3," he replied, "Plus 6 cents for the tax." "Oh," said the blonde, "I wondered how they kept them on."

One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

Two guys walk into a bar. The first guy says, "Hey check out the blond over there. I bet she's really hot in bed!" He procedes to go over and makes small talk with her. Before long they both leave for a one nighter. The next day, the second guy goes over to the same blond, pinches her in the rear and were off for a quickie. Fifteen minutes later, the second guy comes back and compares notes with the first guy. The first guy says, "I think my wife is better." The second guys nods his head and says, "Yeh, your wife is better too!"

Another blonde, another store. She goes over to the deodorant display and tells the clerk "I need to buy some deodorant for my husband." "Does he use the ball kind?" inquired the clerk. "No," replied the blonde, "The kind for under his arms."

This guy just started at his new job, working at a porno shop. His boss comes out and tells him that he has to leave for a while, and "can you handle it? "The new employee is somewhat reluctant, but with the boss's positive comments he finally agrees. So, the guy is there by himself for a little while and a white woman comes in. She asks, "How much for the white dildo?" He answers, "$35." She: "How much for the black one?" He: "$35 for the black one, $35 for the white one." She: "I think I'll take the black one. I've never had a black one before." She pays him, and off she goes. A little bit later a black woman comes in and asks "How much for the black dildo?" He says, "$35." Then she said, "How much for the white one?" He: "$35 for the white one, $35 for the black one." She: "Hmmm...I think I'll take the white one. I've never had a white one before..." She pays him, and off she goes. About an hour later a young blonde woman comes in and asks, "How much are your dildos?" He: "$35 for the white, $35 for the black." She: mm....how much is that plaid one on the shelf?" He: "Well, that's a very special dildo...it'll cost you $165." She thinks for a moment and answers, "I'll take the plaid one, I've never had a plaid one before...." She pays him, and off she goes. Finally, the guy's boss returns and asks, "How did you do while I was gone?" To which the saleman responded, "I did really good, I sold one white dildo, one black dildo, and I sold your thermos for $165!"

After many hours of extremely acrobatic and exhausting sex with a blonde he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen for some food to replenish his just-spent energy. He pours himself a glass of milk and right before drinking it, he realizes his manhood is still pretty hot, so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off. Just then the blonde walks in and says, "Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."

A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?"

Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? "Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"

There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was mad enough she turned her radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "You bimbo, it's blondes like you that give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming to you!"

A dumb blonde was bragging about her knowledge of the state capitals. She proudly said," go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A red head said, "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's easy, 'W'."

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"


Go to Previous Page Go to Next Page Add your Joke
Kelly's Bar Home Page

WebSites By Kelly