Kelly's Bar Jokes

Kelly's Bar Toasts


Did you ever come across a time when a toast would have made an occasion just a little more special? Well, we hunted up a few of them... some funny, some serious... that you may want to add to your repertoire.

AGE

May the Lord love us but not call us too soon.

HARD TIMES

To better times and a speedy calm to the storms of life.

BIRTHDAYS

Another candle on your cake? Well, that's no cause to pout. Be glad that you have strength enough To blow the damn thing out!

May the most you wish for be the least you get.

FRIENDS

The Lord gives us our relatives, Thank God we can choose our friends.

Friends may come, friends may go,
Friends may peter out you know.
So we'll be friends through thick or thin.
Peter out or peter in!

CURSES

May a band of gypsies camp in your belly and train bears to dance on your liver.

LOVE

Here's to Cupid the little squirt, He's lost his pants, he's lost his shirt, He's lost most everything but his aim Which shows that love is a losing game.

FAREWELL

May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back, The sun shine warm upon your face, The rain fall soft upon your fields, and until we meet again, may God hold you in the hollow of his hand.

MEN!

Here's to man--he is like a coal-oil lamp; he is not especially bright; he is often turned down; he generally smokes; and he frequently goes out at night.

Here's to the men we love,
here's to the men that love us,
but the men that we love,
aren't the men that love us,
so the hell with men and here's to us!

MARRIAGE

Needles and pins, needles and pins, When a man marries his trouble begins.

May you grow old on one pillow.

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